• The Reliability of Jesus

    July 19, 2023

    I never had a sure foundation until I met Jesus. Everything in my life was unstable and unpredictable. I never knew when I was going to be punished, tortured, or taken to a ritual. I have lived in constant fear and anxiety about what horrible thing will happen next. Never knowing when the other shoe would drop is a terrifying way to live. I have looked for safety by trying to control my environment and circumstances every second of every day. Anything that was a hair out of place threw me into terror, which came out as rage. Despair and…

  • Finding Restoration

    July 11, 2023

    I heard a quote the other day that said “Jesus isn’t in the business of fixing you, He’s in the business of making you  whole.” I really loved that quote because I never thought of Jesus not wanting to fix us but to restore us. I have always considered myself a work in progress – a hot mess that needs a major rehaul. To think that God does not see me that way, but instead sees the beauty in the finished work ahead, is very hopeful and reassuring. What is the meaning of restoration? According to the dictionary, it means…

  • Keeping In Perfect Peace

    June 29, 2023

    What does it mean to keep perfect peace when your body and mind have been in trauma mode for your whole life? How do you surrender to the Lord and lean not on your own understanding when everything inside of you is screaming in fear? That is the problem I have lived with since becoming a Christian ten years ago. At first, I just thought I had an anger problem. And sure, I have been extremely angry. But what I have perceived as anger has been my response to trauma triggers, and continued trauma happening to me. Everything in my…

  • God Will Make A Way

    June 21, 2023

    I have felt very powerless for a very long time. There were so many times I was put into a place where I was desperate for help, yet none came. I began to believe that the horror that was happening to me was all my fault, and therefore I must be very bad. And if I am bad, then God must hate me, because it certainly appeared that He abandoned me. I have carried these beliefs with me for a lifetime, and they have permeated every aspect of my life. Anytime pain or suffering has come upon me, I blamed…

  • Trusting God

    June 15, 2023

    During all the years of my childhood occult training, one of my biggest takeaways has been that I am not safe. Safety comes with obedience, yet even compliance is not enough to keep me safe. So I learned to perform, manipulate, and call on all evil spirits and humans for rescue and power, but it was never enough. During ritual abuse they put you through the paces, torturing you and then rescuing you, over and over again, until you are so twisted from confusion and pain that you will do whatever they ask, no matter how defiling or demeaning it…

  • Finding Jesus In Your Suffering

    January 19, 2023

    For a long time I felt very angry for the amount of pain and suffering I had in my life. I blamed God, my family, my husband, and even myself. I believed that my life was meant for suffering and that God created me to suffer. It was incredibly hard for me to see anything else outside of that belief because it was so rooted in my identity. The problem with that belief was it is so far away from the identity God has given to me. God has called me to bring hope through my story, but not even…

  • Jesus Is Shaking Your Identity

    January 3, 2023

    I have been through a really rough few months. I have agreed to a massive agenda of self-hatred and self-sabotage for a long time and it has finally come to a head. I have believed so many lies about myself and shaped my identity, but thank God He has been shaking the foundation of all of these lies to bring me to the truth. First of all, I just have to say that I believe God is shaking many people to the core of their identity right now. It feels like your world is unstable and you are falling apart.…

  • negative thought patterns

    Recognizing Negative Thought Patterns

    February 17, 2022

    Negative thought patterns can be a touchy subject. Some people, like myself, hear the phrase negative thoughts and immediately get defensive, or use it as a way of self-punishment. Others use it as a way to deflect onto others or prove that they have no negative thoughts ever. Why is the concept of negative thoughts patterns so triggering? Maybe because deep down inside were all afraid of secretly being bad. I have to think back to the Garden of Eden when Adam and Eve had a perfect life. They lived in harmony with God and His creation, knowing no pain…

  • rely on god

    Learning To Rely On God

    February 8, 2022

    It has been a long journey for me to learn to rely on God. When I first became a Christian I wanted nothing more than to have complete surrender to God in every area of my life. I prayed over every decision I made because I didn’t want to take a step in the wrong direction. I wanted to make sure that everything I did was God’s will for my life. What I didn’t realize I was doing was still a part of retaining control. I know that sounds very odd to think that praying and seeking the Lord in…

  • The Book Of Habbukuk

    January 25, 2022

    I have been studying the book of Habakkuk lately and it has really given me some beautiful insight. The reason I love this book is that it is still so relevant today. God didn’t need to continue to write down the history of His people because history just keeps repeating itself. Nations rise and fall, and people continue to whore themselves out to many other gods. They then get corrected and fall back into line with God’s plan for them, only to be led astray once more. Everything we need to know about the history of mankind is in the…