I have been through a really rough few months. I have agreed to a massive agenda of self-hatred and self-sabotage for a long time and it has finally come to a head. I have believed so many lies about myself and shaped my identity, but thank God He has been shaking the foundation of all of these lies to bring me to the truth.
First of all, I just have to say that I believe God is shaking many people to the core of their identity right now. It feels like your world is unstable and you are falling apart. You may feel lost and confused, or you set out on a path that suddenly seems to be going in the wrong direction. There is nothing that will get our attention more than feeling distressed, overwhelmed, or confused. It brings us to a place of humility, realizing we cannot possibly do this on our own. And we can’t.
For months I have cried out to God in my overwhelm, begging Him for help, yet help did not seem to come. I was at a point of asking God to give me the strength to do every little thing, such as waking up because I felt drugged, getting out of bed, and feeding myself. Just the most basic things had become nearly impossible on my own and only the grace of God could give me strength.
The Lord is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation; this is my God, and I will praise him, my father’s God, and I will exalt him.
Exodus 15:2
I admit it felt like a horrible place to be. I hated it. I wanted to just be ‘normal’ like everyone else, but I had to come to terms with the fact that I am not like everyone else. I have unique challenges that others don’t have. I also have unique gifts that affect me because I am very sensitive to the spiritual realm and I feel things more acutely than many others. These are things the enemy has tried to convince me are a curse, but God has shown me otherwise.
I am an intercessor and a prophet and I have hated that about myself intensely. I have wanted nothing more than to shun those gifts that God has given me because I have been taught to use them for evil. As a Satanic ritual abuse survivor, I have been indoctrinated into the highest levels of the kingdom of darkness. I have been used as a medium and a whore for Satan’s kingdom and therefore my gifts have been twisted for evil.
I was taught to channel evil spirits of all kinds, the pinnacle of this achievement being the antichrist spirit himself. So many times I have been harnessed to people and spirits and I told they were Jesus, therefore I must listen and obey. I must call on them and channel their power in times of need. I was trained to channel them through times of great trauma. They tortured me as a small child until I would leave my body and make room for their spirits.
For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you.
Isaiah 54:10
I do not tell you this to bring fear or pain to you, but only so that you understand the deep level of loathing I had for myself. I love Jesus with all my heart, but I have been a medium for the antichrist and because of this I believed I was evil. This belief permeated to the very core of my soul so that even my spirit began to take on an identity of self-hate. It was my truth, my reason for being. I believed I was born to be a medium for the antichrist and that it was my purpose and destiny and that permeated many of my other beliefs.
When these beliefs are attached to your soul through trauma and abuse, it happens at a subconscious level, which is how they intend it. They want it to be a core belief that stays hidden forever. They don’t want you to ever uncover it and therefore free yourself to be who God created you to be. Well, the devil thinks he has a good plan in place, but it is no match for the power of God in me, or in you.
There is no power in this world that can outmatch or outwit the power of God. He is the supreme authority over all creation, which means Satan and his kingdom. Not only that, but with every move, Satan uses against us, God easily turns around for our good. He’s unstoppable.
For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.
Colossians 1:16-17
As I have begun to deal with the hard truth of being a medium for evil beings I have struggled with it greatly. I told myself, indeed you must be evil for doing all these terrible things. I understood that it wasn’t my fault because you can’t blame a small child for agreeing to these things. However, I could not let go of the hatred I felt for being a part of something so evil. It’s so against the core of who I am that I felt absolute disgust with myself. I actually would regularly call myself a whore.
The real problem was not that I believed I was a whore, but that I believed that my God-given identity as intercessor and prophet brought punishment and death. I have been punished time and time again when have connected with the truth of that identity, and it has happened very recently still. The devil does not leave you alone when you renounce the occult but instead works overtime to bring you back. You possess all his secrets and he would rather destroy you before he lets you go free. What Satan didn’t count on in the love of God overpowering every weapon he had against me.
God used these things for my good. I could not continue to beg Him to free me while still trying to destroy myself with hatred and punishment. It has affected every area of my life, including my body. God had to expose this in me in order to set me free and this was the best way to do it.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
2 Corinthians 5:17
I believe God is using this shaking for many others as he has for me. Sometimes God has to use bigger things to get our attention, such as health problems, plans going awry, things falling apart in your life, loss, and even depression. If you feel your world shaking, then it’s time to come before the Lord and ask for a deeper understanding of what is really being shaken and why. He wants to remove these false identities from us, so He can bring us into the mind of Christ. Don’t despair when things go wrong, but instead find stability in the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. He has a good plan and a purpose in all of this for you. He has not left you hanging nor is He punishing you. He is a good God and a good Father, and He is bringing you through the refiner’s fire because that is what you have prayed for. Don’t focus on the pain, but instead focus on the One who is going to Redeem it for you. He is with you, He is for you, and He has plans for all eternity that are so much better than any plans you have here. The work of sanctification is hard, but when we come out the other end, we are more and more like Jesus.
I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter, my great army, which I sent among you.
Joel 2:25
Susan
Dear Beth,
How amazing you are because you DO share your struggles your past brought you, but in your weakness from that and vulnerability to others, the kingdom of God is Glorified. People relate to you. Hearts of God’s love through relationship in the Holy Ghost bring compassion of Jesus to you from all of us who learn from you and appreciate your heart for Jesus so much.
I am in my own struggles that are familiar to me, as yours are to you, but they are different, and how the enemy attacks me is through my children. I brought them up in church. I did not know about the things you share when they were young, or I would have taught them differently, and I tell them that now. I did not know or understand that many things that are “normal” in our world are actually of the enemy, or anti-Christ spirit as I clearly see now, thanks to many who have brought these to light, such as you. I questioned things in our world that didn’t make sense to me but that was about as far as I could take it. I run from anything that is against God and want Him to know I follow him with my all, though of course, I still have my weaknesses that my Lord and Savior lovingly helps me to improve when I lean on him as I should. So I let the enemy know when he pushes hard on me personally and the attacks are fierce that’s when I run even harder to God! So in return he lets me know he instead hurts me through attacking my my children (they are young adults) because they are easy targets, unsuspecting, and weak. I have had many heartbreaks with them, and they will not dedicate their hearts or lives to Jesus but they know the right language and proper walk around Christians because they have been brought up in church. I tell them if I knew what I know now when they were young, I would have brought them up completely different. We would have been an all out Christian ministry family instead of involved in all the activities that they were in.
Reading what you shared made me think of Paul with his thorn in the flesh. We do not know what that was and many Bible scholars have tried to figure that out. But perhaps God did not want us to know because instead, he knows each of his children may have our own personal and unique “thorn.”
II Corinthians 12:7-10
7 And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.
8 For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.
9 And he said unto me, my grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then I am strong.
Love in our Lord Jesus to you, and how we are blessed that he is our Savior! I am thankful you have this place where we can share our spiritual battles and love of God with and through each other.
Thank you, Beth!
beth.eckert
Thank you so much for sharing. I understand the attack against our children and it is devastating. But I trust in Jesus to bring them out of Egypt. Greater is He ❤️
Els Steenstra Toussaint
Dear Beth, I have been reading your blogs for some years now and I want to thank you. Thank you for sharing what Jesus has done for.you and is still doing. This life that you are living seems pretty hard to me. But you keep going, and I am so Blessed by the truths you share from.the Word and how Jesus.deals with you. I can so sense your heart of sincerity and longing to follow the Lord. It helps me to understand and believe there is so much suffering and horrible reality that many people choose not to believe, simply because it seems so horrifying. Of course Satan is doing his best to cover up. I have read a book years ago “He came to set the captives free” by R. Brown, that was my first reality check of satanic ritual survivors, maybe jou know it. I pray that YOU will not be discouraged, but keep on looking into the mirror of the Word, which shows you your true identity and that God will release you from all hatred of yourself. He loves you so much. You make Him so happy.
You have captured my heart, my treasure, my bride. You hold it hostage with one glance of your eyes, with a single jewel of your necklace.
Song of Songs 4:9 NLT
https://bible.com/bible/116/sng.4.9.NLT
Much love, Els
The Netherlands
beth.eckert
Thank you for your kind words 💛
Brian
Beth, your story has touched from the very first time I came across your testimony and journey on YouTube. I know you don’t post there any longer but I subscribed to your channel n newsletters whenever you post, I am grateful for you, your story and truths and revelations you share and talk about, it is rare to find someone with your experience and discernment to rightly divide these attacks and episodes. And God is in Control even when we or our world seems to be spinning out of control. I love you and pray for you! I thank God for making you who you are In Christ and only eternity will show the impact you have/had on thousands of people and their lives.
Please keep posting as often as you are able there are many of us out here wanting to hear from someone like you who knows what you are talking about. Much love, brother In Christ Brian (Bronx, NY)
beth.eckert
Thank you so much for your love and support! I have been on a long break but I intend to start posting again on both platforms 💛
Arend
Hi. This is all pretty obvious but still I want to say: Thank you for your openess, your words are always encouraging and uplifting. The dark world leaves so many unrecognized, so there is healing in sharing hard thoughts, emotions, and that Gods grace always wins in the midst of satans accusations.
God bless and keep up the good work!
beth.eckert
Thank you 😊
Sarah Caunt
Thank you for your openness and honesty. You’re right that people are being shaken. I think we’re coming towards the end and the enemy’s seeing his end and he doesn’t like it. He’s like an dying animal lashing out at everything and anyone trying to stop the inevitable. It’ll make heaven all the more sweeter. Like you, I’ve struggled a lot with my own mental health recently and my daughter is struggling too, but we keep clinging onto God for our freedom and I know we will win in the end. Many blessings xx
Catherine
Yay! I’m so happy to see you writing again. That’s so awesome. Thank you for sharing your story with us out here. It is a blessing to me. God bless you and your family.
Penny Wheaton
Hi Beth,
Thank you for sharing your heart & testimony, I was wondering if you have heard of Dr. Bob Larsen, he has been doing exorcism for over 40 years maybe he could help get you more set free, I hate to see you suffer like this, I have one of his books I too am an survivor satanic ritual abuse, thank you for your love & honesty so we can pray for you 🙏✝️
beth.eckert
I have not heard of him, but I have help every week. Suffering has been less and less, and I appreciate your care. 💛
Barry W Johnson
You have given me great hope for my situation.
beth.eckert
💛
Lydia
I’ve been following your stories for years & I’m also grateful for your transparency. It’s so good to see you back writing again. It hurts to know how you’re still struggling, but again it’s your genuine heart that has helped me and so many others to hang onto the hem of Jesus’s garment every minute, especially through this shaking. I’ve also been struggling with things for decades, but it doesn’t compare to the perfect love of Jesus and walking with Him forever. He never lets go & we will never stop praising Him & sharing the gospel.
beth.eckert
Struggling is not a bad thing, it’s a part of sanctification 🙂
Brian
Beth, I am – we are sorry for the suffering and troubles you have experienced and continue to deal with- but your story gives us hope as it shows the power of life over dearth and light over darkness in Jesus. He is our overcoming and conquering Savior and you will be on His Divine Council judging angels as mentioned in the NT.
We love you and are praying for you and your family. God Bless
Sincerely
Brian