• How Ritual Days Affect Survivors

    February 12, 2025

    As a survivor of Satanic ritual abuse, I quickly learned that the Satanic ritual days that occur throughout the year are some of the hardest days for me. A Satanic ritual day is a day that is a planned ritual day that takes place on the same day every year. Satanists have hijacked almost every holiday as a ritual day for themselves, including every national holiday, every pagan ritual day, and many more in between. When you grow up in the occult and are subject to ritual abuse they use these ritual days to set up programming that will be…

  • How Our Thoughts And Beliefs Are Altered Through Mind Control

    January 22, 2025

    When you are a child living through ritual abuse the people who are programming you are banking on your need to bond to a parental figure and be loved and accepted. This is the foundation for much of the programming that gets put in. God has designed children and parents to have an attachment and it’s a beautiful picture of the heart of the Father for us, but Satan has co-opted it for his purposes. When I was very young I had multiple people who stood in the place of mother and father. They would nurture me and show themselves…

  • The Power Of Fear

    December 3, 2024

    Fear has been one of the biggest motivators in my life. I have feared people, love, trust, God, and even leaving the house. Fear has been my master, and I have willingly bent to it repeatedly. Sometimes, when something has dominated you for a long time, you begin to believe it’s good for you, and you open your heart and let it in. That is what has happened with fear. It has been a dominator used by many occult programmers and masters who have tied me into submission.  Even though I fought against that domination for a long time, eventually…

  • Understanding Unprocessed Emotions

    November 25, 2024

    There are many times when I feel overwhelmed by life’s circumstances. My problems often seem like a matter of life and death; if I don’t figure out a solution, something terrible will happen. I feel responsible for whatever outcome happens, and so to avoid the weight of guilt over any negative consequences, I am desperate to fix any problems. The result is panic which comes out as anger and only causes more grief. What I have only now started to realize is that these big life-or-death reactions to basic problems such as my son getting a cold, my cat not…

  • Letting Go Of Self-Hate

    November 19, 2024

    Emotions can be tricky. Sometimes they can be overwhelming, guiding you down unseen paths and you feel helpless to choose anything else. For me, emotions have been something that I have contended with all my life because they have been larger than life, like a force that controls me. Whether it be anger, love, hopelessness, or anxiety, my emotions have been like a god to me. It all started when I was very young. During abusive training sessions by my programmers, I was put into situations that would purposefully heighten my emotions. These simulations would cause me extreme fear or…

  • Growing Into Christ

    November 13, 2024

    One of the hardest parts about being a ritual abuse survivor is being an adult. Maybe that sounds strange because I am an adult, but as a ritual abuse survivor you are trained to live out of dissociative alters that are stuck in a regressed age. Often that age is very young, such as a toddler or young child. Anyone who has DID or other forms of complex dissociative disorder understands the struggle of having the feelings of a child in the body of an adult. However, for many of us survivors, the hardest part is recognizing that we are…

  • Mercy Triumps Over Judgement

    October 22, 2024

    For most of my life, it has been easy to suppress my emotions, especially towards people I feel deserve judgment or punishment. Disconnecting from humanity is quite common among people who have experienced deep levels of trauma. It is a coping mechanism when the emotions of the traumatic events are more than the human mind can process through. It becomes so overwhelming that it’s easier not to feel, or feel very little. Some people choose to use substances such as drugs or alcohol to help numb the pain, some use distractions such as being busy at work or with endless…

  • God Will Make A Way

    June 21, 2023

    I have felt very powerless for a very long time. There were so many times I was put into a place where I was desperate for help, yet none came. I began to believe that the horror that was happening to me was all my fault, and therefore I must be very bad. And if I am bad, then God must hate me, because it certainly appeared that He abandoned me. I have carried these beliefs with me for a lifetime, and they have permeated every aspect of my life. Anytime pain or suffering has come upon me, I blamed…

  • Trusting God

    June 15, 2023

    During all the years of my childhood occult training, one of my biggest takeaways has been that I am not safe. Safety comes with obedience, yet even compliance is not enough to keep me safe. So I learned to perform, manipulate, and call on all evil spirits and humans for rescue and power, but it was never enough. During ritual abuse they put you through the paces, torturing you and then rescuing you, over and over again, until you are so twisted from confusion and pain that you will do whatever they ask, no matter how defiling or demeaning it…

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    Surrendering To God’s Redemptive Power

    October 12, 2021

    Over the years Jesus has done miraculous healing after miraculous healing in my life. I have seen redemption in so many ways, and recently I have been so thankful for how undeniable redemption has become. For years I believed I would never again be able to step into a church because the occult loyal alters in me would always reach out to the occult power in the church. Most churches seem to have a hidden coven within them, and attending church seemed to just fuel the darkness within me. Church after church I attended felt like torment as I was…