• The Blessing Of Brokenness

    November 11, 2020

    Sometimes being a spiritual being in a physical body can be so difficult. Your body is connected to your emotions, which is your soul, and they can often lead you astray. Especially where pain or pleasure are involved. For me, pain and pleasure have always seemed to be a leading factor in the decision making processes of my life. Is this going to bring me pain or pleasure? Things that bring pain are left for another day and things that bring pleasure are brought to the forefront. Yet seeking pleasure has not been my main agenda, it has actually been…

  • Ungodly Sorrow And Suffering

    October 24, 2020

    Suffering comes in many forms and for me, it has always come from the deep emotional pain of shame and regret. I have harbored for many years the shame and regret of most of my sin, yet instead of confronting it as I should, I continued to bury it deep in the recesses of my psyche. Not to say I was ever without excuse because truth be told the sin of participating in the sacrificial murder of one’s own offspring through satanic rituals when you are merely a child is not a sin of one’s own making. It is a…

  • survivor

    What Does It Mean To Be A Survivor?

    October 8, 2020

    When I first came to the understanding that my family was an occult family that ritually abused me and worked my whole life to connect me to the highest order of the Satanic Illuminati, I was stunned. The pain of the realization was so overwhelming I became numb for a time. I went faithfully to my inner healing sessions every week to do the work, but then immediately shut out as much as I could until the next session came up. Then once I came to a place of acceptance and even a certain level of understanding, my goal became…

  • pain idenity

    Living In A Pain Identity

    March 2, 2020

    During the past few years, I have had to come to some hard conclusions about how I have been living my life. You see, even though I write about what I have had to endure, I have still worked very hard to live as though it never happened. Every week in my therapy sessions I have to come face to face with my past abuse and the direct effect it has on my life today, yet once I walk away from that session I forget it all and pretend it’s not true. Pain has been a big part of my…

  • How Satanic Ritual Days Affect Survivors

    February 24, 2020

    Today as I write this it is a high Satanic ritual day, and I am once again reminded of the detrimental effects these days have on survivors of ritual abuse. Over the years of healing, I have definitely learned to cope with ritual days better, but I realize that there are many other survivors out there who are truly suffering on these ritual days and they don’t know why. It is no secret that Satan wants to be God and therefore uses every opportunity to counterfeit the things of God for his Kingdom of Darkness. So just as God has…

  • self-sabotage

    Spiritual Attack Or Self-Sabotage

    January 6, 2020

    When I first became aware of spiritual attack as a new Christian, I believed that everything bad that I was experiencing was because of it. The more I learned about the spiritual realm and the inner workings of Satan’s kingdom the more I believed I was a victim of spiritual attack daily. To a point, it was true, but the more I have come through inner healing I have learned some important things about what I have perceived about spiritual attack. As a survivor of Satanic ritual abuse, I live with several trauma-related mental health disorders, such as Dissociative Identity…

  • Counting Every Blessing

    December 23, 2019

    Today I realized, I actually have a good life. You may think that a strange thought for me, but I have to admit there are still many days when I struggle to continue on. Living with mental health conditions such as DID and PTSD makes life very difficult. The struggle to cope with all of the repercussions of the abuse and torture is a daily dilemma. There are days where it is very easy and others where I am basically a pile of sludge that can’t move. Yet my life with Jesus Christ has done a total 180. Before I…

  • I Was Abused In A Satanic Halloween Ritual

    October 21, 2019

    Two years ago, as a brand new Christian, I came to the realization I had to let go of Halloween. As a non-Christian I absolutely loved Halloween. Obsessed really. I loved all things horror and gore, as a matter of fact. Zombies, witches, vampires, you name it. I was fascinated by all of it. We had quite the collection of Halloween decorations sitting in our garage that we had been working on for years. Costumes, skull lights, a severed head, tombstones, body parts, etc. All to make our yard look nice and festive for the Halloween season. It was actually…

  • Why I Haven’t Given My Whole Self To Jesus

    July 8, 2019

    When I first came into a saving relationship with Jesus Christ, I committed my whole life to Him. I said, “take me, God, use me as your tool!” And I meant every word of it. The problem was that I wasn’t giving my whole self to Jesus. I was only dedicating a fraction of my soul to Jesus because most of my soul was not mine to give. Before I was born, before I was even a thought in my mother’s mind, my life was given away to the devil. My ancestors, going hundreds of years back, had begun promising…

  • dissociative identities

    How I Live With Dissociative Identities

    June 10, 2019

    I have Dissociative Identity Disorder or DID, the same thing as Multiple Personality Disorder. I have lived with it all of my life and had no idea I had it. Many people, like me, have a dissociative disorder and live normal lives and have no idea they have one. They may struggle with many problems in life, but they rationalize all their problems away and learn to cope and deal with life on a daily basis. Dissociation is a process in where a person disconnects from themselves in order to deal with trauma. It is completely normal and anyone who…