Growing up I made countless vows to myself to never be like my parents, specifically like my mother. I grew up in such an atmosphere of hate and shame, feeling so worthless and unloved, so when I gave birth to my first son, I vowed I would be different. And I was in many ways. Unlike my parents, I held my children as much as possible, and even utilized baby carriers when I could. I co-slept, breastfed, and stayed at home, giving my time and attention to my children. I wanted to be the very best mom, but I knew…
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Being a survivor of Satanic ritual abuse is one of the most difficult things I have had to come to grips with. It has been a cause of great stress, frustration, confusion, and even depression. I have had to struggle to understand how to fit into a world that denies my experience as reality, and how to navigate through deep pain. Some days I am just fine. I feel great, I’m connecting with Jesus, and fully functioning. Other days I’m a miserable wreck. I’m angry or depressed or both. I get extremely oppressed and can’t think straight. It’s all I…