When I was growing up I did not have a normal childhood. I was never taught the things that a young girl should be taught about the basics of housekeeping or self-care. I wasn’t taught to brush my teeth regularly, take care of my body, eat healthily, or how to cook or clean. These were all things I had to learn on my own, and some things I am still learning at the age of 44. I have always been so hard on myself for not being better at all of these things. I have continually held the whip to…
Being a survivor of Satanic ritual abuse is one of the most difficult things I have had to come to grips with. It has been a cause of great stress, frustration, confusion, and even depression. I have had to struggle to understand how to fit into a world that denies my experience as reality, and how to navigate through deep pain. Some days I am just fine. I feel great, I’m connecting with Jesus, and fully functioning. Other days I’m a miserable wreck. I’m angry or depressed or both. I get extremely oppressed and can’t think straight. It’s all I…
For most of my life I have been just trying to survive. It’s like hanging on to the back of a speedboat that is cruising through the lake at 50 mph. Surviving is something that takes place of true living. You hunker down and wait for the storm to pass, except that it never really does. So you just keep hanging on as tight as you can, and hope that you make it through to the end. At some point in time I got tired of surviving. I didn’t want to just survive life anymore. I wanted to be more than…
It has been about a year since I began my journey into inner healing. It has been quite a wild ride for me so far. When I first ventured into inner healing, I had no idea what I was even getting myself into. All I knew is that I was tired of being angry and sick and knew that God had made too many promises for me to live a life on victory to keep walking in pain. Yet I had no idea that when I begged God to help me to be better and to be closer to Him,…
Joy of the Lord is something that has been elusive to me as of late. As I have been going through my journey of inner healing, I have been receiving revelation from the Holy Spirit about severe and extreme abuse that I have endured from the hands of those that loved me most: My parents, grandmother and my “family” at the Mormon church I grew up in. This has been a devastating blow to me, because I have suppressed this for most of my life. The abuse was satanic in nature. It was ritualistic. It was pure evil. I have…
I have been going through hell lately. It’s been over half of a year now since I began a journey into discovering why I have had a life filled with intense pain. I had gotten to the point where I felt much better than I ever had, because Jesus unconditional love and saving grace had brought me transformation. Yet I discovered that as time went on, I wasn’t doing as well as I thought I was. After the initial transformation (which was huge) I started to decline. Don’t get me wrong – all the changes the Holy Spirit inspired me…