• Why I Blamed God For My Pain

    July 15, 2019

    Pain is a terrible thing, but when you have been steeped in the mire of it for your whole life, it becomes a life force of its own. Pain has owned me, had power over me, and commanded me. It has nurtured me and taught me the foundations on which to build my life: suffering, torture, mistrust, hate, revenge, control. From the time I was very young I was under the grips of pain; it was truly all I ever knew. While all babies only want tender loving care and affection, all I received was hatred and admonishment. How can…

  • forgiveness

    The Power of Forgiveness

    September 11, 2017

    Forgiveness has been something that I have struggled with all of my life. From the time I was born, I was being physically and sexually abused by my family and at the Mormon Church. I grew up feeling worthless and abandoned; constantly lied to and betrayed. I was beaten down for having gifts from God to see and talk to Him, and was taught that I was generally stupid and altogether evil. All these things shaped the core of who I was. Instead of growing into a tender young girl who loved the Lord, and wanted to help and serve…

  • Seeing God As Father

    October 3, 2016

    For most of my life I have held a view of God as mean, distant, judging and condemning, harsh, cruel and hateful. It is the reason I hated Christianity so much. It was the reason I spent a season as an atheist, and it’s the reason I turned to witchcraft. The way we view God is a filter for how we view everything. If we see God as cruel, then we begin to see the world as a terrible place. If we see God as distant, then we begin to suffer in our relationships with others. If we see God…