When I was a new Christian, and completely enamored with Jesus Christ, I was on top of the world. I was doing my best to study the Bible, pray about every decision, and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. I would say I was doing a pretty good job of it too. However, I was still living in a great deal of denial, and it has taken me a long seven years of prayer to finally come out of it. I am not saying that I have been living in complete denial this whole time I have been walking…
Sometimes you feel like the weight of your sin is so pervasive it could simply crush you to death. You grapple with it and try to get a firm grip on it to keep you from swallowing you whole, all the while keeping a tenuous hold on life. You let your imaginings run wild with how terribly awful you are and soon enough the sin eats you alive. In order to avoid this horrid mess, you find a quiet place in your mind where you can find peace and rest. You start to believe that you aren’t horrible, but actually…
Pain has been the theme and even motto of my life – a theme that I have embraced fully and without question as it was so deeply ingrained in the root of my psyche. I began writing poetry reflecting pain and the spirit of death when I was thirteen – a time when my life was in the most turmoil I had ever known. My mother had just sacrificed me to Baal and my father ritually produced a child within me. I was pregnant with a Nephilim hybrid and I thought I was dying. If I say, “Surely the darkness shall…
I have written many times about having dissociative personalities and how they become loyal to the occult through Satanic ritual abuse and mind control programming, but what I haven’t talked about is the current struggles I am having that come from the repercussions of my denial. You see, as a new Christian I firmly believed that I was going to be born again of the Spirit of God, and everything that was bad or evil would be washed away. I would be clean and pure in the eyes of God, and that meant all of my occult ties would be…
I have Dissociative Identity Disorder or DID, the same thing as Multiple Personality Disorder. I have lived with it all of my life and had no idea I had it. Many people, like me, have a dissociative disorder and live normal lives and have no idea they have one. They may struggle with many problems in life, but they rationalize all their problems away and learn to cope and deal with life on a daily basis. Dissociation is a process in where a person disconnects from themselves in order to deal with trauma. It is completely normal and anyone who…
Being a survivor of Satanic ritual abuse is one of the most difficult things I have had to come to grips with. It has been a cause of great stress, frustration, confusion, and even depression. I have had to struggle to understand how to fit into a world that denies my experience as reality, and how to navigate through deep pain. Some days I am just fine. I feel great, I’m connecting with Jesus, and fully functioning. Other days I’m a miserable wreck. I’m angry or depressed or both. I get extremely oppressed and can’t think straight. It’s all I…
There are 3 levels in the second heaven constructed as follows: It is made clear throughout the Bible that there are multiple heavens. “In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.” Genesis 1:1 In the Bible we are told there are three separate heavens. The Highest Heaven, or Third Heaven is where the Throne of God is. I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven. Whether it was in the body or out of the body I do not know – God knows 2 Cor 2 :12 “But…
Alternate personalities or dissociative identities are born in order to manage certain behaviors, experiences and feelings. Each alter can function either independently of one another, or in conjunction with others. Alters can be unaware of the inside system of parts, or that it is even a part of a body. Many alters actually live outside of the body, having traveled to second heaven. Each alter is created for a specific purpose. An alter can be created through ritual abuse trauma, but also through other childhood traumas. Getting lost, abuse, neglect, death of a loved one and other such traumas can…