It Is Well With My Soul

I cannot tell you what a long and wild ride I have been on lately, and today I feel like I have finally made it to the other side. When I first came to Christ six years ago I had no idea the journey I was about to embark on. I thought I was just going to have that good Christian life I had read about, and things were finally going to be easy for me. And in a sense, things were easier than they had been. I had been fighting an uphill battle for years without Christ, so to finally have Him on my side gave me tremendous hope and strength.

What I did not realize in those early months of my salvation was that only a fraction of my soul was actually saved, and the rest of me was still shrouded in the darkness of living a life dedicated to the occult. Consciously I was all in, willing to give my whole heart and life to Jesus Christ, but the enemy had already set his plan in motion long before to keep me from truly fulfilling the call of God over my life.

How can the devil have that much power and sway over someone who is clearly saved? It all started the day I was born, and the ritual that was performed by my family to dedicate me wholly over to Lucifer. That was only the beginning though because throughout my life my family would continually sacrifice me over to Satan and his plans for me, to try to align me with death and not life.

It was not because my parents hated me, because I know they loved me as well as anyone under those circumstances could. No, I believe my parents truly wanted to best for me, and when given the choice to kill your child in a Satanic ritual, or give her to the devil, which would you choose? What would any parent choose? It is not a decision made lightly, but one made under the most heinous of circumstances.

So is it really a wonder that at a tender age I began to seek the darkness on my own? If it was all I consciously knew of this world, then was it so wrong to embrace it? If I believed the devil my father and was married to Lucifer himself and given over to him in every way conceivable, then how can I be surprised at the direction my life took? If anything, I am more shocked but what I direction I didn’t take.

So many times I tried to give myself over to the darkness, but God saved me. He rescued me, He gave me dissociation so I wouldn’t die of hopelessness and despair. He made a way for me, through this nasty wilderness until I could come to a place on my own volition to choose Him. It may have taken me a long time to come to Him, but every step of the way He was wooing me, bringing me just a little bit closer to Him.

I can look back and see the past so clearly now. I have felt so much shame over these past few years as I have uncovered these truths. I have secretly held on to so much anger and pain, telling myself that I could only look forward and never back. But once I finally came to the truth, I was able to actually feel free. I can’t tell you how many times I have had to renounce worshiping false gods and connections to demons and human spirits that were formed mostly in my youth. Yet none of that could prepare me for what I finally had to face. Me.

I have been running from myself for so long and it has all been powered by fear. Fear that I am a terrible, evil, monster, and not even a human being. That fear kept me in the dark for all my life, because I truly believed to confront that fear meant death and pain. Yet when I stepped into the light with Jesus, I was able to see the truth. I am not a terrible human being or worse, an evil monster. I am a beautiful woman, loved by my Creator who is God, and adopted into His family by a simple act of faith.

My faith is what has carried me through this far, and even though I lost sight of it for a while, I have finally come back to a place of peace. Yet this peace is nothing like what I have ever felt before. It is not a feeling of peace because things are going well in my life, or things are calm in my house, or because I don’t feel like crap. It is a peace that truly surpasses understanding because it is the peace of Christ and the badge of honor He has bestowed on me for overcoming when all the odds have been stacked against me.

The devil meant for me to be a witch, whether I lived like one or not. He meant to have me so connected to demonic and fallen angels that I believed witchcraft was the only foundation for my life. This belief was so deeply ingrained in me that it was even a conscious thought, it simply was a part of who I had become. Yet that is not who I am in Christ. God did not create me to become a witch or to succumb to the darkness, but instead to go into the darkness and come out even stronger than before, because I am a survivor.

I always thought survivor had a bad connotation to it like I am just a victim that survived some ghastly experience. The truth is, being a survivor means you have a strong mind and will, that is able to endure the most traumatic evil a human can, and still live to see a full and rich life. That is who Jesus made me be, and that is why I can live.

At first, I thought, writing down all these really personal things about my life would bring me shame because so many people seem to think I really have it all together. That the truth of what I have endured and how it has affected me would really make me that witch I was so afraid of. Now I know that was just the devil’s lies and I am no longer ashamed. I am proud to have suffered with Christ, enduring until the end so I could be set free.

The devil does not want me to tell my story, because my story has so much truth that it blows his plans right back to hell where they came from. He will try to keep each one of us locked in his web of lies and will stop at nothing to see it through. But Jesus Christ has the power to redeem us from the curse of sin and death resting upon us, and He will see us through. I can truly say now, it is well with my soul, and that my spirit rejoices in God my savior.