When I was a new Christian, and completely enamored with Jesus Christ, I was on top of the world. I was doing my best to study the Bible, pray about every decision, and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. I would say I was doing a pretty good job of it too. However, I was still living in a great deal of denial, and it has taken me a long seven years of prayer to finally come out of it.
I am not saying that I have been living in complete denial this whole time I have been walking with Jesus. But it takes an incredible amount of denial to keep an entire Satanic system of occult loyal alters who can take over your body and go to Satanic rituals hidden from yourself. It has been a very slow process to come out of denial. First, I had to even recognize I was a survivor of ritual abuse. Then I had to accept that my family was the reason for it.
It took years to cope with the pain of the betrayal of my family. The pain was so overwhelming that I couldn’t help but live in a fog of denial. Yet I still had to come to terms with something even more difficult to face – I was weaponized against my own self, as well as others. I was literally my own worst enemy. Satan had set up systems inside of systems within me that should have been impossible to break down or even uncover. Each one was geared towards self-hatred and self-destruction, or the need to destroy others around me.
Satan will do anything he can to keep us from Jesus, and he will use us for his own kingdom in the process. He is no fool. He has set up an entire kingdom modeled on everything he has learned while he was an arc angel for God Most High, and he truly believes that he will use God’s own children to sabotage Him.
However, we know from Revelation 20 that Satan will not win, no matter how well he is currently playing the game. He is a created being that cannot come against the power and authority of God Most High, so we need to keep our eyes on Jesus in the midst of this battle.
Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.
Matthew 11:28
So many times I have been worried about other people doing witchcraft on me, or human spirits harassing me, yet I was set up to agree with the witchcraft attack and didn’t even know it. My dissociative occult loyal alters would take any witchcraft, curses, or spiritual attack and use it to further gain control over me. These alters wanted to take over my mind and run my body, so I could not use my free will and allow my Christ-centered self to be in charge.
It has been so hard for me to see that this has been happening. How I could really be sabotaging myself? Haven’t I already doing everything I could possibly do to try to disentangle myself from the web of Lucifer inside of me? For every step forward I was taking two steps back. Running into freedom one day and back into the pit the next. I have spent years in hopelessness and resigned to being subjected to misery.
That is until I realized the only control I really have in the process of freedom is my hold on denial. My need to deny huge strongholds within me was so strong that I could not overcome them. I have faced some terribly difficult strongholds that still had power over me, yet there were still things that I was refusing to face. It’s not that I was even aware of them. I was in total denial that these strongholds even existed, and I was allowing my dissociative alters to continue to keep them hidden because facing them meant facing unspeakable pain.
I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:13
When I finally began to confront the things I thought I could never face I found out they weren’t as scary as I thought. It didn’t kill me to tackle them, it made me stronger. I didn’t break down in anguish, I held fast to Jesus and let Him help me through it. It’s not that Jesus is not enough to redeem and save, it’s that we have to open the door and invite Him in first. Only then can He redeem our past and extinguish the strongman within us.
We are so afraid of the darkness lurking inside of us, but if we bring it to Jesus it truly loses all power. Satan wants us to believe he is all-powerful, but his power is limited to only what God allows, and God only allows what He can work for our good. Our God is good and full of loving-kindness, and everything you are facing right now is meant to lead you into repentance, not fear of death or judgement.
I’m not boasting that I am fully out of denial and fully healed, but I am boasting in the fact that through Jesus Christ I can begin to truly come out of denial as my safe place and instead chose Him. Jesus is trustworthy and true and if He can heal me, then I am living proof that He can heal you too.
The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.
2 Peter 3:9
