Jesus told me two weeks ago He was doing a new thing in me, and it was all I could hold onto to keep pressing forward. There are some days life feels impossible and some days I feel peace. Yesterday was one of those days I felt so overwhelmed because I did not understand what Jesus was asking me to do. When He said “I am doing a new thing inside of you and you will never be the same”, I envisioned enormous changes to my inner system of parts, that would reflect this new me on the outside. Unfortunately, I don’t think that is what Jesus meant.
I have been working diligently on removing the roots of the Antichrist system from me this past month, and it has just about killed me. Two weeks ago I was ready to die and renounce God forever, but somehow Jesus got me through. It was the biggest breakdown I have had so far, and I really didn’t think I could ever come back from it, but two days later I was being freed from the bonds of Lucifer and a massive root of programming.
So I thought, have I finally reached a point where I am almost done with inner healing?? Alas, no, that is not the case yet again. I am renewed with hope for my future, however, whatever it may bring, because as long as I have Jesus by my side, I will be able to persevere. So for today, my hope is in not understanding. I have worked so hard to understand everything happening to me. To understand why me? Why is my life been so traumatic? Why have I had to suffer so much? Why hasn’t God spared the world of evil? And today I finally realized, I don’t need to understand everything because no one can understand the mind of God.
Jesus has been so gracious to me, to help me understand many things, and yet, I am continually unsatisfied much of the time. That is because true peace does not lie in understanding, but trust and submission. Yesterday as I was struggling, Jesus reminded me of this verse “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6. I always prefer the NIV version because instead of “acknowledge”, it uses “submit”. So I have finally come to a place of surrender in all the things I cannot understand.
So as for my blog, Jesus has asked me to stop posting on a schedule, planning ahead what I will write or what I will share, and to let go and be free. To write when He nudges me and to share where I am at. I honestly felt that walking away from a schedule and organizing things the way I always have was like walking away completely. I felt despair as if He was asking me to quit altogether. I cannot tell you how hopeless I felt because I could not understand.
Yet here I am, now overwhelmed with joy, hope, and peace. I will trust in the Lord with all my heart and love Him with all of my strength. And when my strength fails, Jesus will carry me through, until I can rejoice in Him again. I will live, and I will thrive. Thank you my beautiful Lord for all you have done to me. You are my Rock, my Foundation, my Healer, my Strength, and all of my days I will sing of your glory.
Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.
Isaiah 43:19
