Every person who ever lives asks, “What is my purpose and why am I here?” The average Christian is taught to find meaning and purpose through a life of loving and serving Christ. But what if you aren’t the average Christian who was brought up in a loving home and came to Christ through the care and admonition of a Christian parent? What if your life was fraught with pain, betrayal, and hatred? How do you find meaning in value in a life that was broken beyond repair?
As a new Christian, I sought my purpose by leaning heavily on what I believed God wanted me to do. And by that I mean, what I felt or heard what I thought was the Holy Spirit telling me to do. I gave myself to prayer to seek guidance and direction for everything in my life. Sometimes I heard the direction of the Holy Spirit and sometimes I was led astray by a false spirit unknowingly. I was under the assumption that God had a plan for me that I had to follow or else things would go horribly wrong for me.
What I didn’t understand was that my beliefs about God came from past abuse and programming designed to instill the beliefs that God was an oppressive taskmaster who wanted to control every aspect of my life. Yet I was finding purpose and meaning by doing all the things I thought God wanted me to do. I thought He was telling me to grow my blog and Youtube channel so I could share my testimony worldwide, and because of that everything I did became focused around how to make that happen.
Instead, God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful. God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important. 1 Corinthians 1:27-28
I worked on growing my social media platforms so I could share my work with a bigger audience. I did numerous interviews and started scheduling speaking engagements in other states and countries. I believed that my purpose was to redeem my past by sharing my testimony with the world; that was what God had created me for.
So when it all started to fall apart I felt hopeless and worthless. Things started to really take off and grow and I just knew that God was going to give me the platform I needed to become famous. That is until I realized that a big part of my motivation was coming from an agenda that was driven by occult purposes. It was not God (not to say He was never with me) that was leading me to work towards being a Christian internet star. That was never His purpose or design for me.
The reason I say this is because I know how easy it is to get caught up in finding meaning in life in what we “should do” or what we think “God says” He wants us to do. I don’t know how many people get lost going in a direction they believe the Holy Spirit lead them in that was really a misdirection from the enemy. God is not concerned with what we do as much as He is concerned with our hearts. Whatever God has planned for us, He takes His time in preparing us before we get there.
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. Ecclesiastes 3:11
If I had been thrust into a large platform where I was traveling on speaking engagements and writing books and whatever other ideas I had to become known and important, I would have missed God’s best for me. A simple and quiet life of knowing Him more, serving my family, living with humility, and finding exponential healing in Christ. I would have been chasing my own tail instead of becoming a mature believer. I would have continued to be the head of my household instead of learning to submit to my husband. God has had so much more for me than what I thought He was offering and I am so thankful that He helped me see the truth.
There is beauty in a simple Christian life that is dedicated to knowing God and understanding His heart through the process of sanctification. We cannot redeem our past hurts through any work or plan, even if we think it’s God’s idea. If I had continued to follow my dream of redemption through acceptance and fame, then I would have been feeding the dead life I was trying to walk away from.
Sanctification can be ugly and painful. We have to look at our past hurts and the reactions that arise from them, such as anger, hatred, selfishness, rebellion, and more. Only then can we truly know who we are in Christ and why we are here. God didn’t put us here to suffer, or to find redemption from pain through new circumstances. He brought us here to earth to experience the most beautiful gift He could give us – humanity.
Make it your goal to live a quiet life, minding your own business and working with your hands, just as we instructed you before.
1 Thessalonians 4:11
I know for some of us we think humanity is a vile thing – even to the point of trading it in for something more. But humanity is so very special because it gives us a dual purpose here on Earth. If we were just spirits in heaven, it would be easy to know God and worship Him. With our souls, we have such a deeper capacity to experience God and know Him in new and amazing ways, that lead to a worship so pure and unadulterated that even the angels are astounded.
I know you are hurting and you feel absolutely devalued by purpose, but I am here to tell you that you were created by God’s hand when He took a piece of His heart and made you. He put unique gifts inside you that no one else has because you are special to Him. He choose you before the foundation of the world so that you could partner with Him to be the light of His glory here on earth. That means every day, living a life that honors God by being a humble servant like Jesus was, and sowing into your relationship with Him.
It may sound too basic to you to think that your simple life lived in love could ever make a difference, but it truly does. Especially when you add in finding freedom from the spiritual strongholds and bonds that came through your family line. That is how you shake the heavens and the earth. It just takes the faith of a mustard seed.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Hebrews 12:1-2
