I have never been one to think much about modesty. As a young adult and on I pretty much-loved to dress to show off my body. I loved showing lots of cleavage and leg and accentuating my butt. It made me feel sexy and I loved the attention. I didn’t care what other women thought, or if they were upset or jealous. It was all about me and it felt good.
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27
For most of my life I didn’t love myself, and I really didn’t even like myself. I thought I was ugly, fat, and just not good enough. I had a perfectionist standard for myself that I could never reach. I was extremely harsh with myself, berating myself often. When I gained 100 pounds during my last 2 pregnancies, I really hated myself. Now I really had a reason to think I was fat and ugly, and now it was so hard for me to move around and be active with all the extra weight. I would look into the mirror and tell myself I was absolutely unlovable. And I freely told my husband that he should not even love me, because I was disgusting. No matter who told me I was beautiful or worth something, I could never believe it. I knew the truth, and they were liars.
That is until I met a man who changed my opinion on how I view myself.
What kind of man can change a woman from self loathing to seeing herself as beautiful? Only a man who can love her unconditionally. A man who can inspire her to be her best self, inside and out. A man who infuses her with love, who adores her. A man who is so passionate about her, she can’t help but see herself in a new and exciting way. Who is this man? Well, he isn’t just a man, but God. He is Jesus.
Jesus has more than inspired me to a loving relationship with myself. To live for Christ is to live boldly, passionately; to give Him my all and seek His will. When I decided to commit my life to Him, I started by giving Him not just my life, but my body, and my mind. I lost 50 pounds, cut my hair really short and began to wear makeup again. I would look in the mirror and be so thankful that I could call myself pretty for the first time ever. It wasn’t just because of the weight loss, but because of the love. His love for me. And my love for Him was truly where my beauty came from.
Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20
With my new self-esteem came a new self-image. I enjoyed being beautiful, and wanted to glorify my Jesus with it. I no longer felt comfortable wearing revealing clothing. I began to feel convicted about dressing in a more modest way. I hardly knew what dressing modestly was. I started very simply; no more cleavage showing. It progressed into no more short shorts and no bra straps showing. I felt good about it. I felt that I was honoring my Lord and my husband as well. Marriage is a something sacred between a man and a woman, and I wanted to give my body to my husband and no one else. That meant to keep it covered up and for his eyes only.
Before Jesus, I was always looking for love and approval. Dressing for attention made me feel better and I liked it. With Jesus, I didn’t need any attention to feel good about myself. I didn’t need men’s eyes staring at me to feel beautiful. I knew I was beautiful, because my Lord tells me so. There is nothing more I need. I can appreciate my husband’s compliments more now. I am humbled by how dearly Jesus loves me.
Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.John 15:13
The following summer I began to feel further convicted of modesty. It started with the bathing suit. I had previously worn pretty revealing bathing suits. Again, I felt pretty sexy and enjoyed it. This time I felt practically naked. Even a one piece bathing suit wasn’t covering enough. They were all pretty low-cut and showed a lot of my bottom as well. I opted for the most modest bathing suit I could find, but still felt uncomfortable. My shorts also got much longer and I began to wear more skirts. For me modesty was becoming more than just covering up, it was also showing off my femininity. I loved feeling pretty and fun in skirts, which I almost never wore before.
I also started to be more conscious of how my modesty (or lack thereof) affected the men around me. I have four sons myself, and so I am very aware of the temptations that surround men in our current culture. Everywhere you look, women are wearing very little. If they are covered, they are wearing clothes that are very tight.All in all it leaves very little to the imagination. I know that men are responsible for themselves, but I do feel that I can make it easier for the men around me, by dressing modestly and removing some of that temptation. It also helps men to focus on me as a person, and not on my body. It helps me to edify those around me with my spirit, not my sexuality. My sons have already had to deal head on with lust and pornography at young ages, and it scares me. I can only imagine what many of the other men in my church might be struggling with.
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Matthew 5:28
Modest doesn’t mean frumpy. I know when I first started thinking of what modesty was, I conjured up the idea of women covered from neck to feet in a long dress that was bland and tasteless. I do not believe that modesty means you have to wear outdated clothes that aren’t the least bit flattering. Modesty can cover up your body while still showing off your beauty. The current trend in modesty is classy, elegant yet fun, comfortable yet feminine. Believe me, I do not wear anything that isn’t comfy. But I do believe that it is important to put my best foot forward when it comes to the first impression I give to others. How I dress is akin to putting a big smile on your face. People are more apt to smile back at you, even when they are having a bad day. So with modesty it is similar – wearing flattering yet modest clothing shows the best parts of you and helps others feel more at ease.
I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Romans 12:1
Modesty has such a wide range of meaning for so many different people. For some it includes many rules or requires you to be completely covered. For some it means no jewelry or only skirts. I don’t think there are any hard and fast rules on modesty, other than keeping your private parts private. Outside of that, I do think it is to each person the conviction the Holy Spirit lies on their heart. God wants us to be holy, and to live our lives modestly as well. Modesty is just about how you dress, but about your heart and your attitude. A heart for Jesus is pure and that reflects in every aspect of your life, from how you treat others to the clothes you wear.
I want to represent my Lord with reverence, love and respect. I am so very thankful that He has changed my heart and given me respect for myself. I pray that the Holy Spirit will lead you too, on your own journey towards love and acceptance of yourself. You are truly and dearly loved. You are valuable to God – worth His very life. You are beautiful, a rich treasure in His eye. You are special.
Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows. Luke 12:7
