• Defeating The Spirit Of Death

    October 14, 2020

    Pain has been the theme and even motto of my life – a theme that I have embraced fully and without question as it was so deeply ingrained in the root of my psyche. I began writing poetry reflecting pain and the spirit of death when I was thirteen – a time when my life was in the most turmoil I had ever known. My mother had just sacrificed me to Baal and my father ritually produced a child within me. I was pregnant with a Nephilim hybrid and I thought I was dying. If I say, “Surely the darkness shall…

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    What Does It Mean To Be A Survivor?

    October 8, 2020

    When I first came to the understanding that my family was an occult family that ritually abused me and worked my whole life to connect me to the highest order of the Satanic Illuminati, I was stunned. The pain of the realization was so overwhelming I became numb for a time. I went faithfully to my inner healing sessions every week to do the work, but then immediately shut out as much as I could until the next session came up. Then once I came to a place of acceptance and even a certain level of understanding, my goal became…

  • The Purpose In Suffering

    March 16, 2020

    As a new Christian, I could not understand suffering. I believed that if God loved me, He would relieve me of all suffering and give me a life of happiness and fulfillment. I believed that He was a good and loving God, and therefore naturally, He would protect me from every bad thing. What I didn’t understand was that suffering is not actually a bad thing, but a part of our walk as believers in Christ Jesus. One of the things that bothered me the most about suffering was the feeling that it made my life worthless; that all of…

  • Finding Your Identity In The Truth

    March 9, 2020

    For me, growing up with trial and torment daily led me to believe that trials and pain are horrible things I need to avoid. I have lived most of my life desperately trying to remove all sources of pain or problems, whether it meant walking away from friendships or even completely isolating myself. It a situation or person brought me pain on even the smallest level, I was ready to bolt. It is only recently that I have really found meaning in the verses of scripture that teach us that trials and tribulations are not bad, but ordained by God…

  • pain idenity

    Living In A Pain Identity

    March 2, 2020

    During the past few years, I have had to come to some hard conclusions about how I have been living my life. You see, even though I write about what I have had to endure, I have still worked very hard to live as though it never happened. Every week in my therapy sessions I have to come face to face with my past abuse and the direct effect it has on my life today, yet once I walk away from that session I forget it all and pretend it’s not true. Pain has been a big part of my…

  • How Satanic Ritual Days Affect Survivors

    February 24, 2020

    Today as I write this it is a high Satanic ritual day, and I am once again reminded of the detrimental effects these days have on survivors of ritual abuse. Over the years of healing, I have definitely learned to cope with ritual days better, but I realize that there are many other survivors out there who are truly suffering on these ritual days and they don’t know why. It is no secret that Satan wants to be God and therefore uses every opportunity to counterfeit the things of God for his Kingdom of Darkness. So just as God has…

  • luciferian agenda

    The Luciferian Agenda Against God’s Holy Spirit

    January 27, 2020

    In my last post, I explained my journey into the Charismatic movement and the profound effect it has had on my life. I am still working through disconnecting from the false belief systems I held and wrestling with other beliefs that have brought a lot of confusion. One of those beliefs is the continued use of the gifts of the Spirit, or what some refer to as the “sign gifts”. These gifts are prophecy, healing, tongues, discerning of spirits, words of knowledge and miracles. All these gifts are listed in 1 Corinthians 14:11 as gifts given and empowered by the…

  • new age chrisitianity

    New Age Christianity

    January 13, 2020

    When I first started going to church I was motivated by some deeper internal need to connect with a power source outside of myself. I was reluctant to call it God, but after years of searching for meaning and fulfillment in my life through various means, I had finally come to the end of my rope. At first, I felt ashamed to even be in a church, but one Sunday shortly after we began going to church, the pastor called for each of us to kneel at our sins and repent of our sins. My first thought was “this is…

  • self-sabotage

    Spiritual Attack Or Self-Sabotage

    January 6, 2020

    When I first became aware of spiritual attack as a new Christian, I believed that everything bad that I was experiencing was because of it. The more I learned about the spiritual realm and the inner workings of Satan’s kingdom the more I believed I was a victim of spiritual attack daily. To a point, it was true, but the more I have come through inner healing I have learned some important things about what I have perceived about spiritual attack. As a survivor of Satanic ritual abuse, I live with several trauma-related mental health disorders, such as Dissociative Identity…

  • Counting Every Blessing

    December 23, 2019

    Today I realized, I actually have a good life. You may think that a strange thought for me, but I have to admit there are still many days when I struggle to continue on. Living with mental health conditions such as DID and PTSD makes life very difficult. The struggle to cope with all of the repercussions of the abuse and torture is a daily dilemma. There are days where it is very easy and others where I am basically a pile of sludge that can’t move. Yet my life with Jesus Christ has done a total 180. Before I…