• the other side of darkness

    The Other Side of Darkness

    November 2, 2020

    Sometimes you feel like the weight of your sin is so pervasive it could simply crush you to death. You grapple with it and try to get a firm grip on it to keep you from swallowing you whole, all the while keeping a tenuous hold on life. You let your imaginings run wild with how terribly awful you are and soon enough the sin eats you alive. In order to avoid this horrid mess, you find a quiet place in your mind where you can find peace and rest. You start to believe that you aren’t horrible, but actually…

  • Ungodly Sorrow And Suffering

    October 24, 2020

    Suffering comes in many forms and for me, it has always come from the deep emotional pain of shame and regret. I have harbored for many years the shame and regret of most of my sin, yet instead of confronting it as I should, I continued to bury it deep in the recesses of my psyche. Not to say I was ever without excuse because truth be told the sin of participating in the sacrificial murder of one’s own offspring through satanic rituals when you are merely a child is not a sin of one’s own making. It is a…

  • survivor

    What Does It Mean To Be A Survivor?

    October 8, 2020

    When I first came to the understanding that my family was an occult family that ritually abused me and worked my whole life to connect me to the highest order of the Satanic Illuminati, I was stunned. The pain of the realization was so overwhelming I became numb for a time. I went faithfully to my inner healing sessions every week to do the work, but then immediately shut out as much as I could until the next session came up. Then once I came to a place of acceptance and even a certain level of understanding, my goal became…

  • The Purpose In Suffering

    March 16, 2020

    As a new Christian, I could not understand suffering. I believed that if God loved me, He would relieve me of all suffering and give me a life of happiness and fulfillment. I believed that He was a good and loving God, and therefore naturally, He would protect me from every bad thing. What I didn’t understand was that suffering is not actually a bad thing, but a part of our walk as believers in Christ Jesus. One of the things that bothered me the most about suffering was the feeling that it made my life worthless; that all of…

  • Finding Your Identity In The Truth

    March 9, 2020

    For me, growing up with trial and torment daily led me to believe that trials and pain are horrible things I need to avoid. I have lived most of my life desperately trying to remove all sources of pain or problems, whether it meant walking away from friendships or even completely isolating myself. It a situation or person brought me pain on even the smallest level, I was ready to bolt. It is only recently that I have really found meaning in the verses of scripture that teach us that trials and tribulations are not bad, but ordained by God…

  • Counting Every Blessing

    December 23, 2019

    Today I realized, I actually have a good life. You may think that a strange thought for me, but I have to admit there are still many days when I struggle to continue on. Living with mental health conditions such as DID and PTSD makes life very difficult. The struggle to cope with all of the repercussions of the abuse and torture is a daily dilemma. There are days where it is very easy and others where I am basically a pile of sludge that can’t move. Yet my life with Jesus Christ has done a total 180. Before I…

  • denial

    A Place For Denial

    December 16, 2019

    As I reflect on this year and what I have been through, I just have to praise the Lord. I have come a long way this year in my healing journey, to a place where I feel like I am truly being renewed. I have spent so much time this year living from a place of pain because it was easier for me to live in denial than it was to open my eyes to the truth. Not to say there is something wrong with denial, because it plays such an important role in our lives sometimes. For me, denial…

  • give thanks

    Give Thanks To The Lord

    November 25, 2019

    Being thankful is not a phrase we say or a thought we have each Thanksgiving; it is a heart posture. It is understanding God's mercy on us and being thankful that we are given the gift of eternal life with the Father and freedom through Christ from the bondage to hell.

  • The Condition Of Sin

    November 18, 2019

    When I first came to Christ I was very leery of the idea of sin. For me, sin was something that was used to punish me. I was often told I was a sinner, which was equated to evil, bad, terrible, and holding a one-way ticket to hell. This wasn’t used as a segway into the need for Christ and the mercy and forgiveness He died to give us, it was used as a rod of discipline to keep me in line. The only forgiveness I heard about was being forgiven by obeying the adults in charge of me, and…

  • respecting my husband

    My Journey To Respecting My Husband

    June 24, 2019

    It has been a long journey for me to learn how to respect my husband. I hate to admit that I have been a wife that has been harsh, critical, demeaning, demanding, judgemental, and even cruel with my words. I never set out to be that kind of wife, and I love my husband dearly. He is a good husband, who has cherished me and taken great care of me and our children. I have wanted desperately to change and be a better wife to him, but even as a Christian I could not tame my tongue. It all started…