• God’s Mercy In Our Rebelllion

    December 17, 2024

    There is a fear of the future that seems to keep people captivated. A collective dread hangs over us, a fear of the end of everything we know. We see it in all the end-time movies and talk about the prophecy of the last days to come. Every generation for two thousand years has believed we would see the end of the world, and it is a fear that seems deeply ingrained in us. I have also been drawn into that fear many times during my life, especially within the past few years. It is very tempting to see the…

  • The Journey To Grace

    December 9, 2024

    When I first started my journey to coming out of satanic ritual abuse, I felt desperate to find a reason why God would allow such a horrendous thing. At the time I had this blog and a YouTube channel under the same name, and I became convinced that God intended for me to use what I had gone through to help people. I had in mind that I could be like Joseph, and use what the enemy meant for harm to save people. I threw myself into growing my YouTube channel and using Facebook for networking. Soon I was being…

  • The Power Of Fear

    December 3, 2024

    Fear has been one of the biggest motivators in my life. I have feared people, love, trust, God, and even leaving the house. Fear has been my master, and I have willingly bent to it repeatedly. Sometimes, when something has dominated you for a long time, you begin to believe it’s good for you, and you open your heart and let it in. That is what has happened with fear. It has been a dominator used by many occult programmers and masters who have tied me into submission.  Even though I fought against that domination for a long time, eventually…

  • Understanding Unprocessed Emotions

    November 25, 2024

    There are many times when I feel overwhelmed by life’s circumstances. My problems often seem like a matter of life and death; if I don’t figure out a solution, something terrible will happen. I feel responsible for whatever outcome happens, and so to avoid the weight of guilt over any negative consequences, I am desperate to fix any problems. The result is panic which comes out as anger and only causes more grief. What I have only now started to realize is that these big life-or-death reactions to basic problems such as my son getting a cold, my cat not…

  • Letting Go Of Self-Hate

    November 19, 2024

    Emotions can be tricky. Sometimes they can be overwhelming, guiding you down unseen paths and you feel helpless to choose anything else. For me, emotions have been something that I have contended with all my life because they have been larger than life, like a force that controls me. Whether it be anger, love, hopelessness, or anxiety, my emotions have been like a god to me. It all started when I was very young. During abusive training sessions by my programmers, I was put into situations that would purposefully heighten my emotions. These simulations would cause me extreme fear or…

  • Growing Into Christ

    November 13, 2024

    One of the hardest parts about being a ritual abuse survivor is being an adult. Maybe that sounds strange because I am an adult, but as a ritual abuse survivor you are trained to live out of dissociative alters that are stuck in a regressed age. Often that age is very young, such as a toddler or young child. Anyone who has DID or other forms of complex dissociative disorder understands the struggle of having the feelings of a child in the body of an adult. However, for many of us survivors, the hardest part is recognizing that we are…

  • Mercy Triumps Over Judgement

    October 22, 2024

    For most of my life, it has been easy to suppress my emotions, especially towards people I feel deserve judgment or punishment. Disconnecting from humanity is quite common among people who have experienced deep levels of trauma. It is a coping mechanism when the emotions of the traumatic events are more than the human mind can process through. It becomes so overwhelming that it’s easier not to feel, or feel very little. Some people choose to use substances such as drugs or alcohol to help numb the pain, some use distractions such as being busy at work or with endless…

  • From Darkness To Light

    September 23, 2024

    For a long time, my daily brain patterns have been to look for danger or defend myself against anything that might bring pain. I knew nothing else, and looking for things that brought joy or hope was nearly impossible. It was like I was hard-wired to feed off of pain and fear and reject joy. Now after almost 10 years of intensive inner healing, I can finally say I don’t live in daily torment or pain. It’s an incredible thing to be able to say this. I lived in so much pain and suffering that I had no hope of…

  • Finding The Path Of Eternal Life

    November 2, 2023

    For the Christian, our hope is in the eternal life with God that comes with the salvation of Jesus Christ. For some Christians, it is easy to focus on the eternal perspective of life and not get caught up in discouragement as we watch the Antichrist agenda unfold before our eyes. Yet for others, seeing the suffering and evil in this world is unbearable as we turn our eyes off of Jesus and onto what the enemy is doing. I know I for one have struggled greatly with focusing on my pain and the evil that is so pervasive in…

  • Finding Satisfaction

    September 7, 2023

    Lately, I have noticed a restlessness or unsettling in my soul that I know was there before, but I never paid heed to. It is this sense of needing or wanting something but not knowing precisely what it is. I think it’s items to possess or people I love having something change for the better, but that’s not really what it is. Yet I have allowed it to drive me as I search restlessly for the satisfaction my soul desires. What is it in my soul that is ever seeking but never finding what it craves? Is it sin or…