• From Darkness To Light

    September 23, 2024

    For a long time, my daily brain patterns have been to look for danger or defend myself against anything that might bring pain. I knew nothing else, and looking for things that brought joy or hope was nearly impossible. It was like I was hard-wired to feed off of pain and fear and reject joy. Now after almost 10 years of intensive inner healing, I can finally say I don’t live in daily torment or pain. It’s an incredible thing to be able to say this. I lived in so much pain and suffering that I had no hope of…

  • Finding The Path Of Eternal Life

    November 2, 2023

    For the Christian, our hope is in the eternal life with God that comes with the salvation of Jesus Christ. For some Christians, it is easy to focus on the eternal perspective of life and not get caught up in discouragement as we watch the Antichrist agenda unfold before our eyes. Yet for others, seeing the suffering and evil in this world is unbearable as we turn our eyes off of Jesus and onto what the enemy is doing. I know I for one have struggled greatly with focusing on my pain and the evil that is so pervasive in…

  • Finding Satisfaction

    September 7, 2023

    Lately, I have noticed a restlessness or unsettling in my soul that I know was there before, but I never paid heed to. It is this sense of needing or wanting something but not knowing precisely what it is. I think it’s items to possess or people I love having something change for the better, but that’s not really what it is. Yet I have allowed it to drive me as I search restlessly for the satisfaction my soul desires. What is it in my soul that is ever seeking but never finding what it craves? Is it sin or…

  • Hope For The Future

    August 28, 2023

    I have been keeping myself busy lately with projects around my home and it is very refreshing for me. I have spent so much of my life being controlled and all my energy going into surviving. I am finally in a place where I feel like I can start thriving. It has been such a long, arduous process to get here, so I am trying to enjoy just being a person. That may sound strange to some people, but when you are so stripped of your humanity that you can barely have your own thoughts and all your choices are…

  • Finding Purpose And Meaning In Life

    July 25, 2023

    Every person who ever lives asks, “What is my purpose and why am I here?” The average Christian is taught to find meaning and purpose through a life of loving and serving Christ. But what if you aren’t the average Christian who was brought up in a loving home and came to Christ through the care and admonition of a Christian parent? What if your life was fraught with pain, betrayal, and hatred? How do you find meaning in value in a life that was broken beyond repair? As a new Christian, I sought my purpose by leaning heavily on…

  • The Reliability of Jesus

    July 19, 2023

    I never had a sure foundation until I met Jesus. Everything in my life was unstable and unpredictable. I never knew when I was going to be punished, tortured, or taken to a ritual. I have lived in constant fear and anxiety about what horrible thing will happen next. Never knowing when the other shoe would drop is a terrifying way to live. I have looked for safety by trying to control my environment and circumstances every second of every day. Anything that was a hair out of place threw me into terror, which came out as rage. Despair and…

  • Finding Restoration

    July 11, 2023

    I heard a quote the other day that said “Jesus isn’t in the business of fixing you, He’s in the business of making you  whole.” I really loved that quote because I never thought of Jesus not wanting to fix us but to restore us. I have always considered myself a work in progress – a hot mess that needs a major rehaul. To think that God does not see me that way, but instead sees the beauty in the finished work ahead, is very hopeful and reassuring. What is the meaning of restoration? According to the dictionary, it means…

  • Keeping In Perfect Peace

    June 29, 2023

    What does it mean to keep perfect peace when your body and mind have been in trauma mode for your whole life? How do you surrender to the Lord and lean not on your own understanding when everything inside of you is screaming in fear? That is the problem I have lived with since becoming a Christian ten years ago. At first, I just thought I had an anger problem. And sure, I have been extremely angry. But what I have perceived as anger has been my response to trauma triggers, and continued trauma happening to me. Everything in my…

  • God Will Make A Way

    June 21, 2023

    I have felt very powerless for a very long time. There were so many times I was put into a place where I was desperate for help, yet none came. I began to believe that the horror that was happening to me was all my fault, and therefore I must be very bad. And if I am bad, then God must hate me, because it certainly appeared that He abandoned me. I have carried these beliefs with me for a lifetime, and they have permeated every aspect of my life. Anytime pain or suffering has come upon me, I blamed…

  • Trusting God

    June 15, 2023

    During all the years of my childhood occult training, one of my biggest takeaways has been that I am not safe. Safety comes with obedience, yet even compliance is not enough to keep me safe. So I learned to perform, manipulate, and call on all evil spirits and humans for rescue and power, but it was never enough. During ritual abuse they put you through the paces, torturing you and then rescuing you, over and over again, until you are so twisted from confusion and pain that you will do whatever they ask, no matter how defiling or demeaning it…